Slashers Vs the Mary Sues
by ShinzonAurthurDentEiffel65nut
Summary: Humorous Slash vs. Mary sue venture that I'm sure will get flames.
1. Part One

Slashers Vs Mary-Sue battalion #5  
  
I know I'm going to get flamed, but this is all in fun. SEE! FUN! A word most people don't know these days. Grumble grumble... FUN!  
  
*&^&*  
  
The captain of the Mary-Sues glared levelly at his opponent, the Dark Slash writer. DS scowled back and let her hand travel to the daggers at her waist. Each being embodied the traits of their kind. The Slash writer dark and romantic. The Captain of the Mary sues perky and hyper. "You're perkiness and straightness will not defend you! Evil Mary-Sue!" The Slash Writer hissed.  
  
"Ah, but you're Legolas/Aragorn Slash fics will not save you now! Hark! feel the wrath of my keyboard! You are at my mercy!" growled the angry Mary- Sue captain. "Behold! Princes Kiara proves it! Legolas is not gay!" "Is too! How can anyone with long blonde hair and velvet not be gay!"  
  
&^%^&  
  
Hahahahahah! And so I leave you to speculate and Flame me! If I get any good reviews, maybe I'll do a second chapter. (Runs of cackling.) 


	2. Part Two

Slashers Vs. Mary Sue Battalion # 5 Part Two  
  
*&^&*  
  
The dark Slash Writer brandished all 27 pages worth of Legolas/Aragorn pwp at the Mary-sues. The MS captain fell back in horror, doing the anti evil eye sign.  
  
"Noooooo! Begone evil Slasher!" the Mary-sues struck back with the iron fist of the hundreds of mary-sues on the net. All the teenaged girls that had been scorned, all the tomboys who wished for something more than this effeminite life, all the housewives who wished to break free from dull boring housework. The Slashers stumbled back into their caves, desperate to rid themselves of the elven perkiness which was the Mary Sues. "Hark! What do I see!? But the Fellowship!" called the Slasher Captain and the Mary Sue captain in uinson. They glared at each other, awaiting the arrival of the Fellowship. Perhaps with them around, this whole business could be sorted out. *&^&* Flame me, R/R. I don't care. I'm not continuing this wivout a few new reviews, good or bad. 


	3. Part Three

Slashers Vs. Mary Sue Battalion #5 Part Three- The End Rating: PG-13 for a little swearing  
  
&^%^&  
  
The Fellowship stepped onto the battlefield, to the utter surprise of the two respective captains. They were even more surprised to see that the Fellowship was walking tward them. Then they were forced to resort to astonishment when Legolas and Aragorn came forward to the two Captains.  
  
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU TWO!!!!!!!" exploded Legolas.  
  
"YOU! MARY SUE PERSON!" Aragorn yelled. "DON"T YOU KNOW THERE ARE ENOUGH OF YOU ON THE INTERNET!" the mad ranger raged.  
  
The Slash Captain looked smugly at the Mary Sue captain.  
  
"AND YOU!" Legolas shouted at the Slash writer. "WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO GO AROUND MAKING ALL OF US BUTT FUCK EACH OTHER!?!" the furious Elf screamed.  
  
Both Captains looked a little shaken up. They exchanged glances.  
  
"Uhm. Nothing sir." The Slasher said a little timidly.  
  
The Mary Sue captain proceeded to hide behind Frodo.  
  
"Here now! Get out from behind my Mr. Frodo!" Samwise ordered, waving a frying pan menacingly.  
  
The Slasher grinned triumphantly. "See! That proves it! HE said: my Mr. Frodo." she shrieked.  
  
"Quiet you!" Frodo shouted at her. "Sam is one of my best and oldest friends. How can you say such a thing about him. Besides which, he's married to a Hobbit Lass, so push off Pervert!"  
  
Down Frodo." Warned Legolas.  
  
32 Mary sues promptly sighed dreamily and passed out, as Legolas smiled.  
  
"Don't you all understand that without one there cannot be the other. You two sides have been battling since Internet Fanfiction was invented, and all you closet slashers were let outta the bag." Pippin put in.  
  
"He's right. Shake hands, this war has to end sometime. It might as well be now." Merry said firmly.  
  
All Nine members of the Fellowship watched the two carefully.  
  
"What do you say?" said the Mary Sue captain, putting forth a hand.  
  
"Uhm. Alright. As long as I don't have to stop writing."  
  
They shook hands and a big cheer went up from all around. Once again, there was peace on the Internet. Well, at least until the next Slash flamer or Mary Sue flamer. But we can dream.  
  
%$#$%  
  
VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEase please READ!  
  
Dear reader, I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST SLASH! I just prefer not to read it. I myself an a trannsexual, and this combined with the exurbanite amount of flamers I get. It seems they are mostly older Slash writers. As for Mary Sues, I wouldn't count myself as one, however I am a Elf-knight of the Mary Sue Protection Squad, and I hate it when good writers get bad reviews. Myself I prefer Legolas/Arwen stories as opposed to Legolas/Aragorn or Legolas/OFC, but each to his own. Anyway, my point is that everyone should have the chance to publish there own thing. If you like slash, fine, if you like MS's, fine, that's you're opinion and no one should have the right to say anything bad. FREEDOM OF SPEECH, PEOPLE! I bid you namariee, and hope that you will take the time to review this stories, please leave creative remarks. Not flames. Flames will be ignored. I am melllooooowwwwww. Davy the Phsyco Elf-dude/thing/it 


End file.
